Conversation Starter Tips

Conversation tips for beginners:

If you are shy and uncomfortable talking with people, consider these ideas for developing more confidence in social situations.

Before venturing into a social arena:

• Get your mind working for you rather than against you. Set an intention to become more comfortable at connecting with people. Focus your attention on what you want, not on what you believe are your weaknesses and problem areas. Clearly identify the characteristics to which you aspire.
• Prepare a one minute introduction that describes you. Practise saying it out loud. You may want to create different snapshots geared to different groups, e.g. business, social, educational
• Create your own treasure chest of conversation topics. Scan news reports, newspapers and magazines for interesting items around current events, sports, popular movies, animals, travel, etc.
• Set a goal for yourself of talking to at least 1 - 5 new people in your next social encounter.
• Know your own answers for your initial conversation starter questions.
• If you are terrified of talking with someone new, journal about the pros and cons of doing so. What's the worst that could happen? What good things might happen? Bring new perspectives to your thinking. Read Susan Jeffers' book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. As she recommends, affirm to yourself, "I'll handle it!"

In social situations:

• When you arrive, take time to scan the room and identify someone who is alone to connect with. If no one is alone, identify the group of people that feels most safe or interesting to you.
• Go up to them, smile, say "Hello," introduce yourself and ask their name.
• Try different conversation starters. Ask an open ended question (a question that can't be answered with a simple yes or no) that is appropriate for the situation you are both in, e.g., Why are you here? How do you know our host? Or comment about the weather, sports, local news, etc. to get a conversation going. Draw on your treasure chest of interesting topics. See the list below for more ideas.
• Offer them a beverage or snack if the opportunity is there. Pretend you are the host.
•  Focus your attention on the other person. The more you can be genuinely interested in them, the more you will lose self-consciousness. Also, the more you can be genuinely interested in them, the more they will feel safe and comfortable in your company and the more willing they will be to connect with you.
• Regularly look into the other person's eyes.
• Repeat their name a few times in your mind so you remember it. Use their name often as you talk to them.
• Listen intently to what they say. Listen for similar interests and common ground that will build connection between the two of you.
• Silence is okay. Don't panic if there's a lull in the conversation.
• To end a conversation, thank them, tell them what you enjoyed about the conversation and wish them well in their endeavours.
• Remember to breathe. Taking a few deep breaths will help you relax. Do your best have fun!

Tips for taking conversations to a deeper level of connection:

• Be aware of theirs and your comfort zones. Do not be too close or too far from them.
• Keep your stories and commentaries short and focused.
• Tell them something funny about yourself.
• Come prepared with three questions around one topic for more depth and interest.
• Compliment them with sincerity e.g., "I commend you or appreciate you on (tell the facts or repeat what they said) and that's meaningful to me because "
• Think before you respond to a question or comment so you are more likely to share your truth rather than a habitual response.
• Appreciate differences. Open to accept what they say without judgment.
• Avoid gossiping about others.
• When you need to be clear that you've understood correctly, paraphrase in your own words what you have heard and ask them to confirm that your understanding is correct.
• Endeavour to keep the conversation balanced between the two of you so both are participating equally.
• Introduce the person to a third party and initiate the conversation between them.

For true communion:

• Let go of mental agendas so you can be conscious, attentive and fully present in each moment.
• Be genuine - release your defences as much as possible.
• Listen and speak from the heart.
• Open to the other in appreciation.
• Open to connecting with passion, truth, wisdom and mystery.

Conversation starter questions/comments:

• What brings you here? How do you know the host/organizer? What can you tell me about him/her or the organization? I am here because
• Where are you from? What do you like about it? What was it like growing up there? Where would you like to ideally live? Share your own responses to these questions.
• What kind of work do you do? What do you like best about it? What is your biggest work challenge? What drew you into that field? Tell me more about your field. I work at I am interested because
• What do you most enjoy in life?
• I'm feeling How is your day going?
• What do you hope to get from (this situation)?
• Any comment or questions about the weather.
• Any question or comment about a recent sport event you like.
• Any question or comment about a current event.
• I really like (some piece of clothing or perfume) you are wearing. Can you tell me more about it?
• Can you help me? I am doing a survey on and would like your perspective.
• I just did before coming here. Have you ever had any experiences like that?
• What do you think of (a surrounding item or decor)?
• Make a quip or light-hearted joke.
• I see they are serving refreshments. May I get you some?
• I just saw the show last night. Have you seen it? What were your thoughts about it? Or: What good show have you seen lately?
• I have been looking for a Can you recommend anything?
• You have a wonderful (e.g. smile).
• Where in the world would you like to live?
• I am going (or have been) on a holiday to . Where do you like to holiday? Why do you like that location best?
• How do you spend your weekends? I ask because I'm looking for new interests.
• I have been working on plans for my life. Where do you see yourself in 3 to 5 years?

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