Funny Quotes

Share funny quotes and sayings to friends. Let friends have a good laugh. Laughter nourishes the soul and triggers joy.

"The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for five seconds and think for ten minutes." -- William Davis

Funny quotes are a perfect way to remember what makes friendships incredibly special and friends extremely dear. Share these hilarious funny quotes to friends, family and associates and make their day shine brighter. They can post these funny quotes and sayings on their desk, refrigerator. Spread the laughter and make them start their day positively.

Funny Quotes and Sayings

• "Good judgement comes from experience, and experience -- well, that comes from poor judgement."
  -- Cousin Woodman
   
• "If you think are you are enlightened, spend a weekend with your parents or with a few siblings."
  -- Ram Dass
   
• "All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner."
  -- Red Skelton
   
• "Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs build the ark. Professionals built the Titanic."
  -- Anonymous
   
• "Love is grand. Divorce is 100 grand."
  -- Anonymous
   
• "My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me."
  -- Garry Shandling
   
• During a deadly drought season a preacher called his congregation together to pray for rain. At the gathering he commented, "Not one of you believes - no one brought an umbrella."
   
• "An old wise bull and a young frisky bull came over the hill and spotted 20 cows in heat. The young bull gets all excited and blurts out "Lets run down and get one." The old wise bull says in a slow thoughtful way "Let's walk down and get them all."
   
• "You know you're getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there."
  -- George Burns
   
• "It took the Buddha forever to vacuum his sofa because he didn't have any attachments."
   
• "Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly."
  -- Gilbert Keith Chesterton
   
• "The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
  -- Mark Twain

Go back and check out our other Inspirational Quotes and Tips